Bethany's Baby Babblings

I LEFT THE HOUSE WITH SQUIDGE FOR TWO HOURS AND DID SOME ERRANDS AND GOT THE BUS BACK AND IT WASN'T A DISASTER AND NO-ONE DIED!!! we did it! ecstatic mum and non-plussed daughter.

For anyone not fluent in broad Yorkshire, 'owayer doing = how are you doing?  And you get asked this a lot after just having a baby. And here is what I say versus what I mean... "I'm so tired!" aka I am so sleep deprived I somehow managed to put my child's sleep suit on sideways. "Good considering!" aka good considering I am emotionally and mentally fragile. "Alreet thanks!" aka alreet currently but that's because she's fed, winded, changed and asleep. ask me again in a bit when I'm crying because I have no idea what I'm doing. "Shit" aka shit. Disclaimer: I am honest with my family and close friends when they ask me how I am. And despite my candidness above, I do love my child more than anything. 

I'm constantly finding myself talking in baby talk even when I am nowhere near my baby. I am also constantly talking to myself ever since she was born. But I think that's because my brain is so mushy that if I don't do that then I forget what I'm doing, who I am and my purpose in life. Also I'm getting "what if my child forgets who I am" paranoia... (the combination of baby blues, my sister passing away recently, history of depression and general anxiety/low confidence is to blame for that. Luckily the grandparents have been sleeping over to help out - thank god) ...where was I? Oh yeah, I'm terrified of my daughter forgetting who I am and/or not bonding properly therefore I am just calling myself mummy ALL THE TIME. Even in the 3rd person. Even when I'm the only person in the room. So in summary, I am already babbling in baby talk 24/7. And it's ok to admit your mental health is suffering and to get help! Even if it feels like you'...