Bethany's Baby Babblings

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS I've been broken hearted! POOOOOOOOO since the day you sharted! sorry I'll stop 😂😂😂 I find it's best to face adversity with humour. Even if the humour is embarrassingly bad. Our poor baby girl had caught a very nasty tummy bug last week (which she generously passed onto her mum, dad, grandma, both grandads and auntie - thanks babe) which meant that there was a lot of runny poo. There was so much poo. And when it's that runny it leaks. Everywhere. It actually made me have a full on crying session. We were just so used to her (generally) sleeping in longer chunks so we could sleep in longer chunks. So when we were up every night washing poop off everything and then up again at six washing poop off everything, it just got to me. Then I felt like a knob because it wasn't her fault. And then I started to think about people in developing countries who have to deal with it and I'm here with all the amenities needed to deal with it and I was s...

Life's getting in the way of me posting as regularly as I'd like. All sorts of baby and non baby stuff is happening in my life so I keep choosing sleep over posting my usual babbles. So in the meantime here is some actual baby babblings from monkey.

First of all, the sleeping through thing I got overly excited about? Out of the window. Ah well co-sleeping is lovely even if it does result in various injuries for me and dale. Monkey claws at us like a velociraptor. She's also gone from having one poo every three days to three poos every day ever since she started on solids. It's rather impressive. Well it's impressive if you're impressed by my child's bowel habits...I am assuming that you're not. Chunk LOVES her food, she hasn't rejected anything we've offered her (yet!) and I'm still going with making my own mush for her. It finally puts my A* in food tech to good use after almost 10 years of obtaining the GCSE. Dribble chops has finally nailed SOOOOO BIIIIIIG. It's so freaking cute. I say nailed, she doesn't do it on demand, she just randomly throws her arms in the air and waits until someone says SOOOOO BIIIIIIG. That's it really. This post was a bit all over the place...

Siiiiiiiix monnnnnnnnnths olllllllld!!!!!! Woooooohooooooo!!!!!! (I had a really challenging day with her yesterday, the worst in a while and it kicked my mental health in the balls so I'm deciding the celebrate all the little victories - like her half birthday!) Highlights of our sixth month • chunk has scoffed pea mush, broccoli mush and carrot mush. she's all about the mush • i've finally learnt what her poo face is like! • she's stops whatever she's doing if she hears the chase music or the mash theme tune and it's hilarious • wiggles does an excited dance whenever we put hey duggee on • she full on belly laughs if dale let's her stroke his hair 😂

Again no apologies for the horrendous blog title pun. I bloody love musicals and I bloody love pun so I will embrace any opportunity to combine the two! So me and dale thought dribble chops was ready to start trying flavours other than milk and dirty bath water (yeah she licks her bath water...idk) I got weirdly excited about putting on her special bib, heating up the pea mush and getting her cultery and crockery sorted. Dale did the first few tastes as I get to do quite a few firsts because he's at work (I can be a fair lovely wife when I want to be!) And it was delightful to watch. She actually ate some of my tinned pea milky mush! Then I had a go (and I had no idea what I was doing, I just kinda put the spoon near her mouth and in her gob. Is that right?! Is there a right way? She kept it down and didn't cry so I guess so?) Monkey hasn't pooed since scoffing her peas. I reckon it'll be a new poo experience. I wonder if it'll be green? Only time will ...

It won't come as a surprise to you that it's a surprise to me that wiggles is actually that old. Highlights of our fifth  month • I successfully changed a nappy whilst being horrendously hungover and didn't chob (despite getting poo all over my hand and my child weeing on my foot) • we got bought a bumbo seat (a £10 charity shop bargain may I add!) and it's been a huge hit. Squidge can't sit up yet so it's brill for supporting her. She hasn't mastered how to escape from it yet (as demonstrated above) • WE GOT ON A MOTHER FUDGING TRAIN BY OURSELVES AND IT WAS FINE! on our way back she did a poo so smelly it stunk the train out. haha lol. • I've pushed myself and made plans to leave the house more often with squidge • I actually attempted to get poo stains out of wiggles' clothes rather than just throw them away! I know, impressive right? Even more impressive, IT WORKED! My favourite highlight was having a Thanksgiving service with our fam...

1. Shit on my hand 2. Drool on my face 3. Stains on my clothes 4. Grease in my hair 5. Nothing in my bank 6. Bags under my eyes and I'm not bothered by them at all because I love this little squidge and she loves me.

Chunky monkey tried to eat bubbles at her baby sensory class. She then did a shit so big that it was up to her neck. HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE 👍 I was tempted to take a photo of her horrendous nappy but I decided against it seeing as I'll always have the vision and smell permanently scarred into my brain!

why does my monkey only poo for me and not her dad? why does her poo smell like cooked mince?  why does the poo have different colours and consistencies if all she has is milk? why does wiggles like having pooing sessions at 2/3 in the morning?  why is poo the topic of 50% of conversations now that me and dale have become parents? 

You'd think that I would have stopped being astounded about my daughter still being alive, NOPE. 3 months baby ;) Highlights of our third month • we survived a very public poo explosion. the only casualty was a vest that i just threw away because it had turned yellow (yep it was that bad) • wiggles has outgrown her moses basket so I'm now conforming to the mum stereotype of saying "I can't believe she's growing up so fast!" (ugh I hate myself for saying it) • we went further afield on our bus adventures! we somehow got stuck in-between a pole and a seat but the slight embarrassment was worth it as I had a cracking time meeting with my NCT buddies and their sprogs. • the way she smiles at me when i peer over her cot on a morning. i feel like we're bonding now and it feels lovely :)

This week I left the house by myself with my baby for the first time. I only went to the end of the road and back again and then for a sit down in the village green outside my house. Like a half mile round trip all in all. But I survived and so did my baba. I know it doesn't sound much but to me it was such an achievement. My post natal depression has made even the smallest of things for well people, a monumental task which evokes such anxiety for me. It was a sunny morning walk, a bit on the nippy side but nothing a big furry onesie couldn't sort (for my daughter...not myself...pity) and I enjoyed the fresh air. Also right, dog poo has always been annoying. However when you're trekking a pram about it is rage inducing! I was having to do some formula one style swerving to avoid getting shite all my pram.  It's quite weird mentioning poo in a post that isn't my daughter's. Rather refreshing. (Rather refreshing?! I am clearly watching too much Ca...

I can't be arsed to write decent content (well decent for me) so here's a video of some play mat fun. She really likes the spinning balls. And I like laughing at the words spinning balls. This week has been reet hectic which is weird because we haven't actually done much. But somehow I'm knackered. The only thing of note was having her first injections. It was horrendous and she was not a happy bunny. And it also resulted in a HUGE runny sloppy green pooing session - bloody rotavirus. The only positive was revisiting the sweet sweet smell of calpol.

Wahey, me and Dale have managed to keep our daughter alive for another month! 2 down, 2747428383738 to go! Highlights of our second month • smiles! so many smiles. and they're not windy ones. they are genuine smiles and they are beautiful... • ...which made being sloppy pooed on much more bearable. luckily it was only my index finger (i was applying sudacrem) • her first trip on a train was a success! I was terrified about her kicking off and being stuck but I needn't had worried because she just slept • she met all my colleagues and more importantly she didn't threw up on my colleagues • we all attended our NCT reunion (ante natal classes) and managed to successfully participate in a group photo. we won't focus on the pile of drool she left behind on the organisers play mat...

Once upon a time, Christmas was about scoffing ALL the food, getting pissed and being lazy. All of the above went of out the window this year. Me and Dale scoffed some food in shifts because our daughter decided to wake up just as Christmas dinner was served, my gin & tonic lasted me five hours and we were in bed for 9pm Christmas day because we were so exhausted. Not that we care one bit. She is totally worth it and it's lovely having children about for Christmas! Chunk's Christmas Miracles • actually pooing in her nappy (she normally does it out in the open so we considered it our present from her) • feeding at 8pm, FINALLY going to sleep at 11.30pm and then not waking up until 5.30am for her next feed (the six hour stretch of sleep was weird. the nine hour stretch between eating was weirder) • not being that bothered about being passed around the family like a rugby ball (clarification: this is a description of the frequency of being passed not the way she ...

Shall we all rejoice in the fact that me and Dale have actually managed to keep our daughter alive for a whole bloody month?! And we've all survived. Just about. I still feel like that I need sectioning but that's because I'm having a bad run of days currently. But I am going to focus on the positive for this post. Or at least try my best to. Highlights of our First Month • strangers in the supermarket telling us how cute our child is • peeing and pooing out in the open (the baby, not me and dale...obv) • singing inappropriate songs together as a family (mostly the songs featured in family guy) • just her face in general • most of all, the love and support from our family and friends. from visits to cards to thoughtful messages to offers of help. it really means a lot. And here is a panoramic photo of our pig sty of a lounge to show that the idyllic photos that I share on Instagram and Facebook are just the glossy highlights of a rollercoaster whirlwind experienc...

Being a parent involves finding your child's bodily functions absolutely fascinating and taking photos to show people. And these said people actually do not give a shit. Like my husband dislodged this bogie from our child's nose and saved it to show people. Imagine if he did that with his own bogies, I'd be filing for divorce (saying that he did once keep a nose hair he pulled out and I wasn't even phased. In fact I was impressed because it was SO LONG!) Enough about my husband's nose hairs; be grateful readers that I haven't taken photos of my daughter's nappies. Although weirdly she always poos out in the open rather than in her nappy. Or maybe that isn't weird. I don't know.

First of all, I am so bloody jealous of women who loved labour. I won't go into the gory details of mine but I will stay that I am fricking traumatised. But it's worth it for this amazing little jellybean ❤️ Completely and utterly in love. And Dale is such a wonderful dad. And he says I'm a wonderful mum. I'll be happy if we're more like the "okay-est" parents as long as we love her to pieces. Which we obv do because LOOK AT HER (disclaimer: we're bias and we know it) Random babblings: • the inventor of gas and air needs an award • why do I get so relieved when seeing a poo in her nappy? • leaky boobs are the devil • thank god for grandparents, me and dale would be sat in a pile of dirty clothes, starving and crazy from sleep deprivation without them