Bethany's Baby Babblings

I was this close to giving up on this blog due to my mental health taking a massive hit, but I shall persevere. With the blog and life in general. So squidge is 10 months old. Double figures. And still alive. Go me. Here we are dressed as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for a charity wheelchair push for Emma's Mito Mission (to raise money for Mitochondrial Disease which is what my sister died of - still collecting sponsors here  if you're feeling generous) (we'll ignore the fact that madam had a tantrum before so didn't actually do the five miles. Mum and Dad 0, Monkey 1) Highlights of her tenth month; • she can say mum!!!!!!!!!!!! but only when she's absolutely sobbing her eyes out. Which I know is nice but it also absolutely heart breaking. She'll be able to play me like a fiddle now she can say mum. She saves her dada's for happy singing times • the top two teeth has cut through. FINALLY. Maybe, just maybe, she'll sleep better now (haha we w...

I've put teeeeeef as my title because I have a slight speech impediment. I can't say my "ths" (which makes having the name beTHany a reet bloody laugh 😒😂) But yeah, monkey has two little teeth, here she is proudly showing them off. I have to pull a kissy face with big eyes to get a smile from her. She's loving life because she's just had some carrot puffs. The little buggers stain EVERYTHING. not even vanish (well whatever Lidl calls their vanish) (this blog should be sponsored by Lidl haha) shifts it. Luckily it came off her face bit only after using wet wipes, a special top to toe wipe and a bath. I wonder if there's some magic way to remove orange baby food stains? Suggestions welcome.

Monkey is back to her normal happy little self after five days of having a bubbly tummy (and that's putting it very politely haha) See even her crazy smile is back. Highlights of our eight month: • making it to Bradford and back on the bus two days in a row and living to tell the tale • the cutting of tooth number two • crawling has been mastered and monkey zips about like she's frigging usian bolt • squidge has started to screw up her face and flap her arms whenever she gets excited AND I AM LIVING FOR IT • I went to go see steps with my bestie (not baby related at all but I needed to share that with you all, it was fecking amazing! It was cheesy and camp and fabulous and glittery!)

I've lost track of what I've already told you about so sorry if I end up repeating owt (owt = anything to you non-yorkshire folk) SHES FINALLY CUT A CHUFFING TOOTH! after months of dribbling and chomping and random mood swings the fecker has finally cut. one down, a gazillion to go. SHE'S IN HER OWN ROOM! and the little snotbag (who I obviously love to bits) sleeps better in there than she ever did in our bloody room. she even sleeps through the night about 40% of the time. SHE CAN STAND HERSELF UP (WITH SUPPORT!) which is great, yay milestones! but it means that i spend all my day as a human climbing frame. and it makes bedtime more difficult as she can stand up in her cot but can't get back down again. I HAVEN'T LEARNT TO NOT WEAR BLACK PANTS monkey has wiped porridge, melted frozen banana lolly and carrot puff mush all over them. soz about my feet. and the mess. actually not the mess, I won't apologise for that cos that's just life.

You know, I'm not reet sure that I mean unsolicited. Basically I'm giving out advice that no one asked for ha. So here it is; take the batteries out of the remote before giving it to your sprog to play with 👍 (I learnt this the hard way and she nearly deafened me by blasting up the volume on Mr Tumble) Why do babies insist on chewing everything they're not supposed to? We have got gazillions of teething toys yet she ignores them and beelines for remotes, plates, knees, etc. Weirdo.

• my child's play mat makes a pretty decent duvet (it's a long story that I can't be arsed to explain) • Calpol doesn't taste as good as it smells • Calpol also is quite tricky to get out of your hair (blame my husband) • Jeremy Kyle is oddly addictive and I admit that tune in most days. I find the people fascinating and they cannot be real • Dentinox gel feels reet weird on your gums (...I was curious so I tried it) • the Hey Duggee theme tune is an absolute banger (chunk is a big fan)

This is the face of a parent who was up all night because for some reason scientists haven't invented a cure for teething. The mug is full of extra strong coffee. I wish it was wine. Or gin. Or both. It's proper heartbreaking seeing your kid in pain. She even refused her feeds which was freaky, you know shit is bad when she rejects the milk. Thankfully I had a cracking hubby who helped me out and didn't banish me and monkey from the bedroom (which he could have done cos he had work in the morning) So there was three in the bed last night, which was quite lovely once she'd stopped crying and started sleeping and sleep-farting. Here's to a better night tonight for everyone's sake!

She's still live and kicking. Like really kicking, she doesn't half boot me when I change her nappy. Ungrateful grotbag. (kidding) (mostly) I found out roundabout this time last year that I was preggers. Dale made me pee on the stick 3 times before he believed me. A year on and my little monkey has made it through a third of a year, wooho! Highlights of our forth month • chunk had her first trip to wetherspoons cos she's a classy bird like her mother • me and dale got her weighed and she's now 16lb! it makes carting her about an olympic sport but my arms should get proper toned (the same can't be said for my tummy, thighs and arse unfortunately) • she actually smiled when having her 16 week injections. we may have a future junkie on our hands. she already looks like a crack addict when we give her teething powder.  • i actually managed to sing my child to sleep! whether she did it because she found it soothing or just to shut me up I don't know B...

wiggles has had some reet mood swings this week due to teething and sharing genes with me. however when we have moments like this it reduces my urge to donate her to the orphanage when she kicks off. Her smile just melts my heart and her burps make me one proud mama. She is ignoring the societal pressures of behaving like a "lady" - go girl! Ooo, this video features the vocal talents of Auntie Rachel (not auntie by blood, just doing the northern thing of making all mummy's friends an auntie or uncle. although I consider Rachel my other sister so the auntie title is rightly deserved)

I had no idea teething started so early! I thought it'd be a few months away. Apparently not. None are cutting through or owt like that. Just experiencing mountains and mountains of drool. It's like I've given birth to a bulldog expect noisier and less furry. Look at the line of bloody drool hanging from her mouth. It just makes my heart burst with love. I obviously mean bloody in the swearing sense, not literally. (shout-out to grandad peter! ey up dad!) So next time you'll see me I'll be sporting a very fetching dribble stain. Unless I slopped summat else down myself, that's also very likely. Only people who personally know me will get this. Toddlers have less food and drink stains on their clothes than I do. Fact. (do I get bonus points for making my blog post title a Mr T pun?)