Bethany's Baby Babblings

Bit of background - I started tap dancing in April 2014 at my local community centre. My mate Rachel (of Auntie Rachel fame) came with me. We were soon christened the "Baby Tappers" because we were the only ones under 30 odd who were also proper shit. We do yearly tapathons for charity. It's bloody brilliant. So after nine months leave, I returned. Here are my babblings; • I was really scared about my lady parts falling out with all the jigging about we do (luckily it stayed up where it belongs) • I severely overestimated the strength of my pelvic floor. If I hadn't have weed before I definitely would have fully pissed myself. • There's a plant growing through the roof. We have lovingly named her Ivy • It was the most exercise I've done since my sprog was conceived • The ladies complimented me on my figure (obviously not important but still nice!) • I bloody missed it. Dancing makes me so happy. I don't care that I look like an electrocuted sp...

My depression has really been biting me in the arse this week. I wish the waiting list for the therapy wasn't so bloody long. The bad thoughts have been getting louder and I haven't got the strength to ignore them. (Don't worry I'm not having thoughts of hurting myself or my kiddo. I have had self harming urges in the past and it's really scary but I think my antidepressants have stopped those urges) Basically I've managed to convince myself that my daughter doesn't like me. Even as I'm typing this out I realise how ridiculous that sounds. But my brain is broken and that's what it's doing. Wiggles is always so happy and smiley but recently she's been crying, angry and frustrated, until someone else is with her then she's fine. I know I shouldn't be taking this personally but PND is a bitch and overrides all rational thoughts. Those close to me have comforted me and reasoned with me, saying it's because I'm her mum so sh...