Bethany's Baby Babblings

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS I've been broken hearted! POOOOOOOOO since the day you sharted! sorry I'll stop 😂😂😂 I find it's best to face adversity with humour. Even if the humour is embarrassingly bad. Our poor baby girl had caught a very nasty tummy bug last week (which she generously passed onto her mum, dad, grandma, both grandads and auntie - thanks babe) which meant that there was a lot of runny poo. There was so much poo. And when it's that runny it leaks. Everywhere. It actually made me have a full on crying session. We were just so used to her (generally) sleeping in longer chunks so we could sleep in longer chunks. So when we were up every night washing poop off everything and then up again at six washing poop off everything, it just got to me. Then I felt like a knob because it wasn't her fault. And then I started to think about people in developing countries who have to deal with it and I'm here with all the amenities needed to deal with it and I was s...

I haven't really got the content for a coherent themed post. So here's a list of stuff • she can say dada! it's so unbelievably cute and amazing. she just needs to learn to just say it to her dad. because she just says to everything and everyone. which makes me look like a reet tart • when she's tired she does this really giddy excited breathing and it results in a snort. it is bloody hilarious, little piggy 🐷 • she blagged herself some free toast at a nursery visit. My baby is a hustler 😎 • monkey can wave. only she does it on her own terms and not when you want her to say ey up or ta-ra (hello and goodbye respectively in yorkshire) and here is a photo of her looking like a nutter.

is it poor taste to make STI jokes in a blog about my sprog? Yes? Ah well, it made me laugh. Probably because wiggles had me up at 3 and then 6 so I've got a bit dippy. Anyway when I say clap I clearly mean that she has got the hang of clapping her hands! Weirdly she's been clapping her feet for a few months but that was just random flailing leg movements. I hope she doesn't feel like we're treating her like some kind of show dog. I suppose having a baby is kinda like having a puppy. I have said that wiggles is half puppy half spider monkey. I'm now singing spider pig to myself. I need to go back to bed. I've cracked hahahaha.

Life's getting in the way of me posting as regularly as I'd like. All sorts of baby and non baby stuff is happening in my life so I keep choosing sleep over posting my usual babbles. So in the meantime here is some actual baby babblings from monkey.

Yesterday was our weekly big shop. Me and dale are recent Lidl converts. We are all about the middle aisles. We're there for the mystery, excitement and bargains. So obviously I was buzzing when they had a crap-tonne (sorry still on the crap-tonne hype ha) of baby books! Head, shoulders, knees and toes is monkey's favourite song so I actually squealed when I saw this. 😂 (I need to get out more clearly) (GET OUT MORE TO LIDL COS ITS THE TITS) We also bought all the boring food stuff as I needed to stock up of squidge's meals for the week. Meal prepping as the cool kids call it. I wouldn't know because I am very uncool (and happy about it, far less effort) Today I made; • avocado, tomato and yoghurt (to pop in my transportable squeezey pouches for meals out and about) • broccoli, courgette, onion and cheese mush (I had a pot myself and it wasn't half bad!) • courgette slices and circles (to roast for finger food) • I got bored so didn't do ow...

I've been a bit concerned because squidge has been a bit of a mute for the past few weeks. Just laughter and whines. No babbling. In her own little world. I have resisted the urge to google what the "norm" is for a six month old. But it hasn't stopped me having mild "development anxiety" (where parents worry about how fast or slow their sprogs are hitting milestones) I needn't have worried because I popped monkey down for a nap and there were some reet sounds coming from her Moses basket. Then she went back to being a mute. So to paraphrase Bjork (see this post does relate to it's title!) It's oh so quiet Shh shh It's oh so still Shh shh You're all alone Shh shh And so peaceful until EEEEEEEEE AAAAAAA ERRRRRR EHHHH HEEEEEEE AAAAAAAHHHH.

Squidge has been obsessed with rolling on to her tummy. During nappy changes, at bedtime, while getting dressed. It certainly makes those tasks more "challenging" (aka a pain in the arse. it's cute at first but eventually I just want to staple her limbs to the floor so she'll bloody stay still!) Today monkey was wiggly piggling while I was getting her out of her jim-jams. So I left her to it cos we weren't in a rush. Then she only went and rotated! Yay to a new skill!

Again no apologies for the horrendous blog title pun. I bloody love musicals and I bloody love pun so I will embrace any opportunity to combine the two! So me and dale thought dribble chops was ready to start trying flavours other than milk and dirty bath water (yeah she licks her bath water...idk) I got weirdly excited about putting on her special bib, heating up the pea mush and getting her cultery and crockery sorted. Dale did the first few tastes as I get to do quite a few firsts because he's at work (I can be a fair lovely wife when I want to be!) And it was delightful to watch. She actually ate some of my tinned pea milky mush! Then I had a go (and I had no idea what I was doing, I just kinda put the spoon near her mouth and in her gob. Is that right?! Is there a right way? She kept it down and didn't cry so I guess so?) Monkey hasn't pooed since scoffing her peas. I reckon it'll be a new poo experience. I wonder if it'll be green? Only time will ...

Squidge is very lucky to have six great grandparents in her life (and she also has a great-great grandad!) (they have 'em young in barnsley) (my in-laws are from barnsley) Today we visited her Great Grandad Leslie (my maternal grandad) in his new care home. He has fairly advanced dementia so I don't think he has much concept about who my sprog is, or even who I am for that matter. But it's reet because he clearly adores her and he fully lights up whenever she's in the room. It's so lovely to see, his memories may have faded but his love for his family is clearly here to stay for the time being :)

I question why I agreed to have a kid when they're kinda annoying, deprive you of sleep, take over your life and thank you by expelling various bodily fluids on you. But then she does stuff like this and I'm like awwwh that's why, you're just lovely and I love you. (this video was taken at half 6 in the morning - I don't know anyone who is this happy at half 6 in the morning. Weirdo child)

monkey got me up at 6.10am and had vomited on me by 7am. However she also fell asleep in my arms and we had a two hour cuddle. So I forgave her. Just about. We spent the day with both sides of the family and it was lovely. The Top 3 Things That Happened: • squidge got me disney DVDs for my present (I'm now up to 27/55 animated features, wahey!) • we gave wiggles a bath and the amount of dirt and fluff in the bath water was well impressive • my grandma put a tea towel over her face and sung the "Streets of Cairo" tune (video below, it's a masterpiece)

wiggles has had some reet mood swings this week due to teething and sharing genes with me. however when we have moments like this it reduces my urge to donate her to the orphanage when she kicks off. Her smile just melts my heart and her burps make me one proud mama. She is ignoring the societal pressures of behaving like a "lady" - go girl! Ooo, this video features the vocal talents of Auntie Rachel (not auntie by blood, just doing the northern thing of making all mummy's friends an auntie or uncle. although I consider Rachel my other sister so the auntie title is rightly deserved)

You'd think that I would have stopped being astounded about my daughter still being alive, NOPE. 3 months baby ;) Highlights of our third month • we survived a very public poo explosion. the only casualty was a vest that i just threw away because it had turned yellow (yep it was that bad) • wiggles has outgrown her moses basket so I'm now conforming to the mum stereotype of saying "I can't believe she's growing up so fast!" (ugh I hate myself for saying it) • we went further afield on our bus adventures! we somehow got stuck in-between a pole and a seat but the slight embarrassment was worth it as I had a cracking time meeting with my NCT buddies and their sprogs. • the way she smiles at me when i peer over her cot on a morning. i feel like we're bonding now and it feels lovely :)

you can tell when i can't be arsed to write a half decent post because all i do is upload a video. so here is my little squidge desperately trying to crawl and making cute noises. there's also a fart noise which is either an actual fart or her blowing a raspberry. the jury is out on that one.

I can't be arsed to write decent content (well decent for me) so here's a video of some play mat fun. She really likes the spinning balls. And I like laughing at the words spinning balls. This week has been reet hectic which is weird because we haven't actually done much. But somehow I'm knackered. The only thing of note was having her first injections. It was horrendous and she was not a happy bunny. And it also resulted in a HUGE runny sloppy green pooing session - bloody rotavirus. The only positive was revisiting the sweet sweet smell of calpol.

I'm at the stage in parenting where every single thing that my child does is fascinating and/or hilarious. For example, during a feed she did a burp except her mouth was full of drool so it produced a massive spit bubble. And the spit bubble remained there for ages because she was just sat there accepting the spit bubble in her mouth and I couldn't do owt for laughing. (how many times do I need to say spit bubble?) (three) And then there's the time when she simultaneously coughed and farted at the same. I also love how sneezes are a full body experience for babies. Just after I filmed her sneeze I had the BIGGEST urge to send it to my friends and family.  But I resisted because I don't want to be a baby bore.  So I'm inflicting it on whoever is reading this blog.  Which is probably just my mum, hello mum :)

First of all, apologies for the lame blog post title. I couldn't think of owt better. My brain power was used up this morning when doing the cryptic crossword with my mum and dad. Secondly, merry christmas. And now for the main bulk of the post. Yet again I will be giving out unsolicited advice that nobody asked for; be the annoying twat with a camera.  Now before you mentally butt in with the "live in the moment, don't be a slave to social media, etc" argument, let me explain (and sorry but it'll be a bit morbid) You never know when it'll be your or someone you love's last christmas, or last anything. I promise you that having candid or silly or sickly sweet photos and videos of your loved ones will be a massive comfort if anything happened to one of them. I promise. So that being said, my little christmas pudding has been on this planet for 38 days. My dedicated photo album for her has over 350 photos and/or videos... ...and I treasure ever...