Bethany's Baby Babblings

Squidge is sleeping ok for both sets of grandparents but not when she's at home. So it's clearly something I am doing wrong. Except I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what I'm doing full stop. It's 11.23pm and I've only just got her to sleep. She was yawning and rubbing her eyes at 6.50pm and we put her down to sleep at 7pm yet the hysterics started and didn't stop. It's been like this for two or three weeks now and it's really wearing me down. I can feel myself spiralling again and it's poop. I just want to have a handle on things. I want to have the patience and perseverance and positivtity to deal with curveballs. Instead I'm just criticising and catastrophising (I really didn't mean to go to town on the alliteration just then. If only I had a natural talent for parenting rather than basic literary devices!) Thank god my therapy starts in a week and a bit. I really hope she can fix my thinking. My therapist i...

Me and my panto mother (who also has been a guest blogger -  see here ) took our sprogs to a baby rave AND IT WAS BLOODY ACE. And free. You know me, love mysen a bargain. There was pretty lights, flower garlands, pom poms, dancing, routines, bubbles, a parachute and foam!!!!! We were all knackered at the end of the session. Monkey had to have a breather, sit down and hit the sippy cup. And then she conked out for two hours. Note to self: have a baby rave if wiggles is resisting sleep! It was ran by  Boomchikkaboom  as part of Bradford Literature Festival and I will be definitely keeping an eye out for any other events they do.

I've lost track of what I've already told you about so sorry if I end up repeating owt (owt = anything to you non-yorkshire folk) SHES FINALLY CUT A CHUFFING TOOTH! after months of dribbling and chomping and random mood swings the fecker has finally cut. one down, a gazillion to go. SHE'S IN HER OWN ROOM! and the little snotbag (who I obviously love to bits) sleeps better in there than she ever did in our bloody room. she even sleeps through the night about 40% of the time. SHE CAN STAND HERSELF UP (WITH SUPPORT!) which is great, yay milestones! but it means that i spend all my day as a human climbing frame. and it makes bedtime more difficult as she can stand up in her cot but can't get back down again. I HAVEN'T LEARNT TO NOT WEAR BLACK PANTS monkey has wiped porridge, melted frozen banana lolly and carrot puff mush all over them. soz about my feet. and the mess. actually not the mess, I won't apologise for that cos that's just life.

Too. Hot. To. Blog. Heatwaves are all well and good, but oh lordy it is difficult to get a baby to sleep in this heat. Especially one as sweaty as mine. But she's cute as heck so i forgive her

First of all, the sleeping through thing I got overly excited about? Out of the window. Ah well co-sleeping is lovely even if it does result in various injuries for me and dale. Monkey claws at us like a velociraptor. She's also gone from having one poo every three days to three poos every day ever since she started on solids. It's rather impressive. Well it's impressive if you're impressed by my child's bowel habits...I am assuming that you're not. Chunk LOVES her food, she hasn't rejected anything we've offered her (yet!) and I'm still going with making my own mush for her. It finally puts my A* in food tech to good use after almost 10 years of obtaining the GCSE. Dribble chops has finally nailed SOOOOO BIIIIIIG. It's so freaking cute. I say nailed, she doesn't do it on demand, she just randomly throws her arms in the air and waits until someone says SOOOOO BIIIIIIG. That's it really. This post was a bit all over the place...

guess what? she slept through. in her own bed. it's a bloody miracle. if this isn't a fluke and she carries on being a bloody star then we'll start thinking about popping her in her own room. which I will both love and hate. if you're also a parent, or care for a baby overnight or whatever, you will understand why I'm so excited. Mainly because I am always asked "is she sleeping through" and usually I just snort and pull a stink face. But now I can reply with "YES SHE BLOODY HAS/IS" (an aside: I am obsessed with squidge's smiley face. It's so genuine. Her whole face lights up when she smiles. She is so joyful!)

Turns out it was a fluke. She hasn't slept through the past two nights.  I don't mind though. Much.  She's asleep now. I love holding her while she sleeps. Nicest feeling in the world.  She has the most amazing eyelashes. I'm well jealous. Years of mascara abuse have rendered mine stubby little stumps.  This post is a bit shit and a bit short. But I have nowt else to say. I mean what I have said isn't that interesting so adding owt else would induce sleep. Ha, maybe I should read it to squidge so she'll bloody sleep on a night! 

SQUUDGE SLEPT THROUGH! SHE ONLY WENT AND BLOODY SLEPT THROUGH!!!! FROM 11.45PM TO 6.50AM!!! I SUPPOSE IT WAS KIND OF CHEATING BECAUSE SHE SLEPT IN OUR BED BUT SCREW THAT, SHE BLOODY SLEPT THROUGH!!!!!! I AM PREMATURELY CELEBRATING BECAUSE ITS LIKELY TO BE A FLUKE BUT SOD IT, LETS CELEBRATE EVERYTHING IN LIFE!!! hehe, I'm just a bit excited about her sleeping through :) Here are a few other things that have occurred recently; • I knelt in a puddle of my daughter's wee (and I wasn't even that arsed tbh) • Squidge keeps having coughing fits which makes her shart • Monkey chops keeps pulling this hilarious old man face

She's still live and kicking. Like really kicking, she doesn't half boot me when I change her nappy. Ungrateful grotbag. (kidding) (mostly) I found out roundabout this time last year that I was preggers. Dale made me pee on the stick 3 times before he believed me. A year on and my little monkey has made it through a third of a year, wooho! Highlights of our forth month • chunk had her first trip to wetherspoons cos she's a classy bird like her mother • me and dale got her weighed and she's now 16lb! it makes carting her about an olympic sport but my arms should get proper toned (the same can't be said for my tummy, thighs and arse unfortunately) • she actually smiled when having her 16 week injections. we may have a future junkie on our hands. she already looks like a crack addict when we give her teething powder.  • i actually managed to sing my child to sleep! whether she did it because she found it soothing or just to shut me up I don't know B...

2017 was a year of extreme happiness and sadness. I lost a sister but gained an angel. I lost my sanity but gained a daughter. There's such a fine line between crying and laughter, comedy and tragedy (TRAGEDY! When the feelings gone and you can't go on its TRAGEDY! ...any excuse to sings Steps and/or Bee Gees) I expect 2018 will also be filled with happy and sad but I'm hoping it'll be a bit steadier and I'm more equipped to handle it.  So let's see what 2018 brings. It started out with this little party animal sleeping in her grandparents bed after a heavy session on the milk on New Year's Eve.

Once upon a time, Christmas was about scoffing ALL the food, getting pissed and being lazy. All of the above went of out the window this year. Me and Dale scoffed some food in shifts because our daughter decided to wake up just as Christmas dinner was served, my gin & tonic lasted me five hours and we were in bed for 9pm Christmas day because we were so exhausted. Not that we care one bit. She is totally worth it and it's lovely having children about for Christmas! Chunk's Christmas Miracles • actually pooing in her nappy (she normally does it out in the open so we considered it our present from her) • feeding at 8pm, FINALLY going to sleep at 11.30pm and then not waking up until 5.30am for her next feed (the six hour stretch of sleep was weird. the nine hour stretch between eating was weirder) • not being that bothered about being passed around the family like a rugby ball (clarification: this is a description of the frequency of being passed not the way she ...

... I am addicted to the taste of my laxative medicine (don't ask why I'm on this, you don't want to know because, did I mention, childbirth is HORRIFIC) ... baby farts are bloody hilarious ... there's nowt nicer than your child falling asleep on your tummy... until you need a wee/want to change the TV channel/are gasping for a brew ... I am getting far too used to wiping my daughters sick/bogies/etc on to my clothes (why is the muslin square* nowhere to be found when you need it?!) * my mother in law amusingly called these 'Muslim towels' once so obviously we know constantly take the piss out of her for it and call them prayer squares.

Then: I had plastic shot glasses in my cupboard for prinks (pre-drinks for those who aren't fluent in wanker) Now: I use said shot glasses for all the medication I have to take because CHILDBIRTH IS HORRIFIC AND THE HORRORS TO YOUR BODY CONTINUE FOR WEEKS AFTERWARDS AND NO-ONE PREPARES YOU FOR IT. no-one. Then: This time last year I was vomming up McDonalds after a pantomime night out to Camel (cheap drinks and cheesy music makes a happy Bethany) Now: I had a quiet night in, went to bed at 10 but not before getting thrown up on by my child on to my new MC hammer pants Then: I slept on public transport, through alarms, sat upright, mid conversation, etc. Anytime, anywhere, I could always have a kip. Now: If my child doesn't make a sound for 10 seconds I snap wide awake convinced that she has stopped breathing OR I'm just laid there with my eyes shut anticipating her next move (and I am always wrong) Then: I took sneezing, coughing, laughing and generally moving f...

I am a sleeper. Sleeping is what I do best. Sleep and keeping a baby alive DO NOT MIX. Obviously I already knew this but it's a harsh reality to face. Therefore I am struggling with the night feeds. Me and D do it in turns currently (thank the lord for his 6 week paternity!) but I'm still a zombie. Although when she falls asleep on me mid-wind it takes the edge off being a sleep deprived eye-bagged crazy lady.