Bethany's Baby Babblings

I was this close to giving up on this blog due to my mental health taking a massive hit, but I shall persevere. With the blog and life in general. So squidge is 10 months old. Double figures. And still alive. Go me. Here we are dressed as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for a charity wheelchair push for Emma's Mito Mission (to raise money for Mitochondrial Disease which is what my sister died of - still collecting sponsors here  if you're feeling generous) (we'll ignore the fact that madam had a tantrum before so didn't actually do the five miles. Mum and Dad 0, Monkey 1) Highlights of her tenth month; • she can say mum!!!!!!!!!!!! but only when she's absolutely sobbing her eyes out. Which I know is nice but it also absolutely heart breaking. She'll be able to play me like a fiddle now she can say mum. She saves her dada's for happy singing times • the top two teeth has cut through. FINALLY. Maybe, just maybe, she'll sleep better now (haha we w...

3/4 of a year old. Bonkers. Is it too early to start planning her birthday party? I'm known for getting excited about birthdays far earlier than necessary. But why not, let's celebrate life! Here she is at Eureka, before she (accidentally) pushed over a little boy twice her size and made him cry. I was half embarrassed and half impressed with her hulk like strength. Highlights of our ninth month; • surviving norovirus • making a new friend (my lovely colleague and her sprog joined us at Eureka. She's so dinky and cute and smiley) • attending our second baby rave which was at my work and then getting to show off monkey to my colleagues • learning how to whisper. it's kinda creepy, kinda cute. it's like she's plotting our demise. I shall monitor the situation

I've lost track of what I've already told you about so sorry if I end up repeating owt (owt = anything to you non-yorkshire folk) SHES FINALLY CUT A CHUFFING TOOTH! after months of dribbling and chomping and random mood swings the fecker has finally cut. one down, a gazillion to go. SHE'S IN HER OWN ROOM! and the little snotbag (who I obviously love to bits) sleeps better in there than she ever did in our bloody room. she even sleeps through the night about 40% of the time. SHE CAN STAND HERSELF UP (WITH SUPPORT!) which is great, yay milestones! but it means that i spend all my day as a human climbing frame. and it makes bedtime more difficult as she can stand up in her cot but can't get back down again. I HAVEN'T LEARNT TO NOT WEAR BLACK PANTS monkey has wiped porridge, melted frozen banana lolly and carrot puff mush all over them. soz about my feet. and the mess. actually not the mess, I won't apologise for that cos that's just life.

Firstly a confession. I didn't realise she was seven months old until my auntie asked how old monkey was and I replied with "oh nearly seven months" and dale was like "no, she's actually seven months. today" ....whoops Highlights of our seventh month • we attended our first wedding! Squidge got all dressed up (see above) and saw all the Bealies (my Nana had 11 kids so there's bloody millions of us haha! ...I genuinely have no idea how she dealt with 11 kids. I have one and I need soooo much help with her 🙈) • wiggles is obsessed with trying to stand up. she doesnt let the fact that she can't stand up phase her. We should all have the ambition and determination of a baby! • she has mastered the SOOOOO BIIIIIIG trick. to the extent that she'll just do it at random times so you have to drop all conversation and say SOOOOO BIIIIIIG to her. Or she'll just sit there with her hands in the air. • we introduced finger food. she takes that to...

I've been a bit concerned because squidge has been a bit of a mute for the past few weeks. Just laughter and whines. No babbling. In her own little world. I have resisted the urge to google what the "norm" is for a six month old. But it hasn't stopped me having mild "development anxiety" (where parents worry about how fast or slow their sprogs are hitting milestones) I needn't have worried because I popped monkey down for a nap and there were some reet sounds coming from her Moses basket. Then she went back to being a mute. So to paraphrase Bjork (see this post does relate to it's title!) It's oh so quiet Shh shh It's oh so still Shh shh You're all alone Shh shh And so peaceful until EEEEEEEEE AAAAAAA ERRRRRR EHHHH HEEEEEEE AAAAAAAHHHH.

The title explains what I'm about to babble about. I am constantly told by everyone, especially old people in supermarkets, that my child has a lot of hair. So at the tender age of six months and three days, we took her to get her hair cut. Bit of background: we go to the hairdressers as a family. me, my mum, my dad and my sister Emma when she was alive. we have been going to Kevin, Emily and Ella for years. They're fab and so lovely. Monkey was reet good and sat dead still the entire time. Before After LOOK AT HER LITTLE FRINGE 😍 SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND NOT A LITTLE BABY!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I'VE GOT HER LITTLE BABY HAIR IN A BAG TO PUT IN A MEMORY BOX! it's weird to think that the hair in that bag was the hair she was born with. god her hair was covered in gunk when she was first born, it was minging.  she's got such a cute little bob now 😍 i had a bob at around her age and it's why i have the nickname bobs. it'...

Siiiiiiiix monnnnnnnnnths olllllllld!!!!!! Woooooohooooooo!!!!!! (I had a really challenging day with her yesterday, the worst in a while and it kicked my mental health in the balls so I'm deciding the celebrate all the little victories - like her half birthday!) Highlights of our sixth month • chunk has scoffed pea mush, broccoli mush and carrot mush. she's all about the mush • i've finally learnt what her poo face is like! • she's stops whatever she's doing if she hears the chase music or the mash theme tune and it's hilarious • wiggles does an excited dance whenever we put hey duggee on • she full on belly laughs if dale let's her stroke his hair 😂

Squidge has been obsessed with rolling on to her tummy. During nappy changes, at bedtime, while getting dressed. It certainly makes those tasks more "challenging" (aka a pain in the arse. it's cute at first but eventually I just want to staple her limbs to the floor so she'll bloody stay still!) Today monkey was wiggly piggling while I was getting her out of her jim-jams. So I left her to it cos we weren't in a rush. Then she only went and rotated! Yay to a new skill!

Again no apologies for the horrendous blog title pun. I bloody love musicals and I bloody love pun so I will embrace any opportunity to combine the two! So me and dale thought dribble chops was ready to start trying flavours other than milk and dirty bath water (yeah she licks her bath water...idk) I got weirdly excited about putting on her special bib, heating up the pea mush and getting her cultery and crockery sorted. Dale did the first few tastes as I get to do quite a few firsts because he's at work (I can be a fair lovely wife when I want to be!) And it was delightful to watch. She actually ate some of my tinned pea milky mush! Then I had a go (and I had no idea what I was doing, I just kinda put the spoon near her mouth and in her gob. Is that right?! Is there a right way? She kept it down and didn't cry so I guess so?) Monkey hasn't pooed since scoffing her peas. I reckon it'll be a new poo experience. I wonder if it'll be green? Only time will ...

SQUUDGE SLEPT THROUGH! SHE ONLY WENT AND BLOODY SLEPT THROUGH!!!! FROM 11.45PM TO 6.50AM!!! I SUPPOSE IT WAS KIND OF CHEATING BECAUSE SHE SLEPT IN OUR BED BUT SCREW THAT, SHE BLOODY SLEPT THROUGH!!!!!! I AM PREMATURELY CELEBRATING BECAUSE ITS LIKELY TO BE A FLUKE BUT SOD IT, LETS CELEBRATE EVERYTHING IN LIFE!!! hehe, I'm just a bit excited about her sleeping through :) Here are a few other things that have occurred recently; • I knelt in a puddle of my daughter's wee (and I wasn't even that arsed tbh) • Squidge keeps having coughing fits which makes her shart • Monkey chops keeps pulling this hilarious old man face

It won't come as a surprise to you that it's a surprise to me that wiggles is actually that old. Highlights of our fifth  month • I successfully changed a nappy whilst being horrendously hungover and didn't chob (despite getting poo all over my hand and my child weeing on my foot) • we got bought a bumbo seat (a £10 charity shop bargain may I add!) and it's been a huge hit. Squidge can't sit up yet so it's brill for supporting her. She hasn't mastered how to escape from it yet (as demonstrated above) • WE GOT ON A MOTHER FUDGING TRAIN BY OURSELVES AND IT WAS FINE! on our way back she did a poo so smelly it stunk the train out. haha lol. • I've pushed myself and made plans to leave the house more often with squidge • I actually attempted to get poo stains out of wiggles' clothes rather than just throw them away! I know, impressive right? Even more impressive, IT WORKED! My favourite highlight was having a Thanksgiving service with our fam...

These past two weeks squidge has really started to be much more interactive and deliberate with her actions. She is mad for touching her feet. Keeps her entertained for minutes (which is a long time for a nearly five month old)  And she can put things in her mouth on purpose. Before she used to smack herself in the face until she accidentally got whatever in her mouth. It was well funny to watch, I'll miss that.  She's also learnt to stare at whatever she wants to grab (she likes stationery) or where she wants to go. I am a fan of this new skill because I may be her mother but I have zero telepathic skills and I used to just guess what she wanted to do. (Parenting is 100% trial and error in my experience) I am also finding my feet. I'm not sure that I'll ever get my head around this whole parenting thing but I'm getting better at blagging it and accepting that doing my best is good enough. Perfection is overrated. 

She's still live and kicking. Like really kicking, she doesn't half boot me when I change her nappy. Ungrateful grotbag. (kidding) (mostly) I found out roundabout this time last year that I was preggers. Dale made me pee on the stick 3 times before he believed me. A year on and my little monkey has made it through a third of a year, wooho! Highlights of our forth month • chunk had her first trip to wetherspoons cos she's a classy bird like her mother • me and dale got her weighed and she's now 16lb! it makes carting her about an olympic sport but my arms should get proper toned (the same can't be said for my tummy, thighs and arse unfortunately) • she actually smiled when having her 16 week injections. we may have a future junkie on our hands. she already looks like a crack addict when we give her teething powder.  • i actually managed to sing my child to sleep! whether she did it because she found it soothing or just to shut me up I don't know B...

You'd think that I would have stopped being astounded about my daughter still being alive, NOPE. 3 months baby ;) Highlights of our third month • we survived a very public poo explosion. the only casualty was a vest that i just threw away because it had turned yellow (yep it was that bad) • wiggles has outgrown her moses basket so I'm now conforming to the mum stereotype of saying "I can't believe she's growing up so fast!" (ugh I hate myself for saying it) • we went further afield on our bus adventures! we somehow got stuck in-between a pole and a seat but the slight embarrassment was worth it as I had a cracking time meeting with my NCT buddies and their sprogs. • the way she smiles at me when i peer over her cot on a morning. i feel like we're bonding now and it feels lovely :)

woo she rolled over! from her tummy to her back. and then she threw up. (i inadvertently made this post a haiku. most people write it in a baby book or take a photo to commemorate a milestone, i write accidental poetry on the internet...)

This week I left the house by myself with my baby for the first time. I only went to the end of the road and back again and then for a sit down in the village green outside my house. Like a half mile round trip all in all. But I survived and so did my baba. I know it doesn't sound much but to me it was such an achievement. My post natal depression has made even the smallest of things for well people, a monumental task which evokes such anxiety for me. It was a sunny morning walk, a bit on the nippy side but nothing a big furry onesie couldn't sort (for my daughter...not myself...pity) and I enjoyed the fresh air. Also right, dog poo has always been annoying. However when you're trekking a pram about it is rage inducing! I was having to do some formula one style swerving to avoid getting shite all my pram.  It's quite weird mentioning poo in a post that isn't my daughter's. Rather refreshing. (Rather refreshing?! I am clearly watching too much Ca...

Wahey, me and Dale have managed to keep our daughter alive for another month! 2 down, 2747428383738 to go! Highlights of our second month • smiles! so many smiles. and they're not windy ones. they are genuine smiles and they are beautiful... • ...which made being sloppy pooed on much more bearable. luckily it was only my index finger (i was applying sudacrem) • her first trip on a train was a success! I was terrified about her kicking off and being stuck but I needn't had worried because she just slept • she met all my colleagues and more importantly she didn't threw up on my colleagues • we all attended our NCT reunion (ante natal classes) and managed to successfully participate in a group photo. we won't focus on the pile of drool she left behind on the organisers play mat...

Shall we all rejoice in the fact that me and Dale have actually managed to keep our daughter alive for a whole bloody month?! And we've all survived. Just about. I still feel like that I need sectioning but that's because I'm having a bad run of days currently. But I am going to focus on the positive for this post. Or at least try my best to. Highlights of our First Month • strangers in the supermarket telling us how cute our child is • peeing and pooing out in the open (the baby, not me and dale...obv) • singing inappropriate songs together as a family (mostly the songs featured in family guy) • just her face in general • most of all, the love and support from our family and friends. from visits to cards to thoughtful messages to offers of help. it really means a lot. And here is a panoramic photo of our pig sty of a lounge to show that the idyllic photos that I share on Instagram and Facebook are just the glossy highlights of a rollercoaster whirlwind experienc...