My depression has really been biting me in the arse this week. I wish the waiting list for the therapy wasn't so bloody long. The bad thoughts have been getting louder and I haven't got the strength to ignore them.
(Don't worry I'm not having thoughts of hurting myself or my kiddo. I have had self harming urges in the past and it's really scary but I think my antidepressants have stopped those urges)
Basically I've managed to convince myself that my daughter doesn't like me. Even as I'm typing this out I realise how ridiculous that sounds. But my brain is broken and that's what it's doing.
Wiggles is always so happy and smiley but recently she's been crying, angry and frustrated, until someone else is with her then she's fine. I know I shouldn't be taking this personally but PND is a bitch and overrides all rational thoughts.
Those close to me have comforted me and reasoned with me, saying it's because I'm her mum so she's the one who she cries to for comfort. Which is nice but I when I can't comfort her 100% of the time I feel like a failure and I'm letting her down.
Luckily I am not completely consumed by my PND and have done the following;
• reached out for help (this was a big step for me, I normally just hide and stew in my own thoughts)
• went for a walk (well my bestie forced me to get dressed and dragged me outside. but guess what I felt soooo much better! the cliche of getting fresh air and exercise is annoyingly right)
• taken photos and video of times when it's going well with monkey and we're both happy and content (so I can look at them when I feel like a shit mum)
(Don't worry I'm not having thoughts of hurting myself or my kiddo. I have had self harming urges in the past and it's really scary but I think my antidepressants have stopped those urges)
Basically I've managed to convince myself that my daughter doesn't like me. Even as I'm typing this out I realise how ridiculous that sounds. But my brain is broken and that's what it's doing.
Wiggles is always so happy and smiley but recently she's been crying, angry and frustrated, until someone else is with her then she's fine. I know I shouldn't be taking this personally but PND is a bitch and overrides all rational thoughts.
Those close to me have comforted me and reasoned with me, saying it's because I'm her mum so she's the one who she cries to for comfort. Which is nice but I when I can't comfort her 100% of the time I feel like a failure and I'm letting her down.
Luckily I am not completely consumed by my PND and have done the following;
• reached out for help (this was a big step for me, I normally just hide and stew in my own thoughts)
• went for a walk (well my bestie forced me to get dressed and dragged me outside. but guess what I felt soooo much better! the cliche of getting fresh air and exercise is annoyingly right)
• taken photos and video of times when it's going well with monkey and we're both happy and content (so I can look at them when I feel like a shit mum)
Comments
Post a Comment