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Eleven Months Old!

Well the blog has definitely fallen by the wayside. Mainly because September was hella busy with sister stuff (death anniversary, charity stuff, etc etc etc) and from 1st October I returned to work (eeeeeeeeeeek)  But yay 11 months old! One month off turning 1 year old! Cray Cray.  Monkey looks a bit shifty here. I think she's plotting my demise because I was blocking her view of Postman Pat in order to take a photo 😂 Highlights of our eleventh month: • she's fiiiiiiinally using her walker. for months she insisted on holding our hand when she wanted to walk which has ruined all our backs • she started nursery! 😍  • waving has been mastered. maybe a bit too much. Whenever I pick her up to take her to another room she waves bye bye. it's very cute. • dale as instilled a love of banjo music into her. she claps and giggles along to red neck music. we'll be moving into our trailer next week ha. • probably loads more but I cannot recall any at thi...
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Recent posts

Grounded.

My return to work is fast looming (is 'fast looming' even a thing? Have I worked that right? Idk whatever) sooooooo this blog will probably become a weekly occurance until I'm back in the swing of it (so that'll be never ha) Anyway. So as I've said before, I've started my perinatal therapy and my counsellor is an absolute gem. My aim after my first session (well second but the my first session was more of a getting to know you kinda thiiiiing) is to practice grounding. Grounding is detaching from my overwhelming emotional pain so I can gain control over my feelings and have a sense of control. There's loads of different ways to "ground" and my task for the next two weeks is to see which ones work for me and to practice them several times a day. I have also been instructed to stop metaphorically beating myself up, calling myself daft/silly/stupid and apologising for my feelings. That is a 25 year habit that'll be tough to crack. Anyway, ...
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Ten Months Old!

I was this close to giving up on this blog due to my mental health taking a massive hit, but I shall persevere. With the blog and life in general. So squidge is 10 months old. Double figures. And still alive. Go me. Here we are dressed as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for a charity wheelchair push for Emma's Mito Mission (to raise money for Mitochondrial Disease which is what my sister died of - still collecting sponsors here  if you're feeling generous) (we'll ignore the fact that madam had a tantrum before so didn't actually do the five miles. Mum and Dad 0, Monkey 1) Highlights of her tenth month; • she can say mum!!!!!!!!!!!! but only when she's absolutely sobbing her eyes out. Which I know is nice but it also absolutely heart breaking. She'll be able to play me like a fiddle now she can say mum. She saves her dada's for happy singing times • the top two teeth has cut through. FINALLY. Maybe, just maybe, she'll sleep better now (haha we w...
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About 4,858,439 steps backwards

Squidge is sleeping ok for both sets of grandparents but not when she's at home. So it's clearly something I am doing wrong. Except I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what I'm doing full stop. It's 11.23pm and I've only just got her to sleep. She was yawning and rubbing her eyes at 6.50pm and we put her down to sleep at 7pm yet the hysterics started and didn't stop. It's been like this for two or three weeks now and it's really wearing me down. I can feel myself spiralling again and it's poop. I just want to have a handle on things. I want to have the patience and perseverance and positivtity to deal with curveballs. Instead I'm just criticising and catastrophising (I really didn't mean to go to town on the alliteration just then. If only I had a natural talent for parenting rather than basic literary devices!) Thank god my therapy starts in a week and a bit. I really hope she can fix my thinking. My therapist i...
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Nervous.

I finally have my counselling sessions scheduled. It's weird, I almost feel like I don't need them because I am actually doing miles better than I was when I got referred.  But I know I do. I've just coped by blocking my thoughts rather than changing them. And when things get bad (like last week's sleep regression) that's when I crumble and have scary thoughts.  I'm glad it's happening but I am shitting it about having to spill and address all my feelings. Which is daft because I'm half doing it now on this blog. But it's easier to be brave and honest from behind a screen.  Woah this post got a bit deep. Here's a photo of squidge.
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Ladies who Lunch

An old panto buddy is off to join the army so me, monkey and auntie rachel joined him for lunch. We went to a lovely Greek place in our local town. I was a bit nervous taking wiggles because I'm used to taking her to more casual dining places but I needn't have worried - they were so accommodating and welcoming of us both! The waiters absolutely doted on her and she was loving all the attention. I love that she's a confident socialable baby who's willing to share her smile with anyone and everyone. Here she is stuffing her face with pitta bread. She actually managed to shove the whole strip into her mouth (don't worry she realised that it was over ambitious of her to do so and promptly took it out - classy girl) My confidence is taking dribble chops places is really improving. Don't get me wrong, I still get anxious mentally but I don't get the increased heart rate and whatnot anymore. It also helps that my sprog is quite chill and contented. An...
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Wino

Look who's learnt to pull wine bottles of her grandma's wine rack! Although I am disappointed with her choice, August is not the time for mulled wine lass.
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