Bethany's Baby Babblings

Obviously not my first night out ever. The first since December 2016. Which feels like a bloody lifetime ago. I was literally shaking with excitement, which made pouring multiple glasses of prosecco reet tricky. You can see how excited I am in this photo (I'm the numpty on the left) The mum guilt got me however the need to spend some quality time with my "Camel Toe" girlies (don't ask) and have some adult conversation must have been far stronger because I danced and drank the night away and scoffed a maccy d's. Tell what I didn't miss during my pregnancy; hangovers. Oh my lord I was hanging out of my arse the morning after. Luckily my parents had chunk for a sleepover so all I had to do was stay horizontal all morning and eat junk food. I realise the above doesn't really paint me as the perfect kind loving sophisticated mother. However it does describe what I think is a well balanced alreet mum. And that's what I want to be.

This week I left the house by myself with my baby for the first time. I only went to the end of the road and back again and then for a sit down in the village green outside my house. Like a half mile round trip all in all. But I survived and so did my baba. I know it doesn't sound much but to me it was such an achievement. My post natal depression has made even the smallest of things for well people, a monumental task which evokes such anxiety for me. It was a sunny morning walk, a bit on the nippy side but nothing a big furry onesie couldn't sort (for my daughter...not myself...pity) and I enjoyed the fresh air. Also right, dog poo has always been annoying. However when you're trekking a pram about it is rage inducing! I was having to do some formula one style swerving to avoid getting shite all my pram.  It's quite weird mentioning poo in a post that isn't my daughter's. Rather refreshing. (Rather refreshing?! I am clearly watching too much Ca...

I can't be arsed to write decent content (well decent for me) so here's a video of some play mat fun. She really likes the spinning balls. And I like laughing at the words spinning balls. This week has been reet hectic which is weird because we haven't actually done much. But somehow I'm knackered. The only thing of note was having her first injections. It was horrendous and she was not a happy bunny. And it also resulted in a HUGE runny sloppy green pooing session - bloody rotavirus. The only positive was revisiting the sweet sweet smell of calpol.

Wahey, me and Dale have managed to keep our daughter alive for another month! 2 down, 2747428383738 to go! Highlights of our second month • smiles! so many smiles. and they're not windy ones. they are genuine smiles and they are beautiful... • ...which made being sloppy pooed on much more bearable. luckily it was only my index finger (i was applying sudacrem) • her first trip on a train was a success! I was terrified about her kicking off and being stuck but I needn't had worried because she just slept • she met all my colleagues and more importantly she didn't threw up on my colleagues • we all attended our NCT reunion (ante natal classes) and managed to successfully participate in a group photo. we won't focus on the pile of drool she left behind on the organisers play mat...

Sooooooo I'm slowly getting used to being alone with my baby while Dale is at work. I'm no longer in a state of total panic and I'm not counting down the hours till Dale gets home. I'm still unsure, wobbly and a bit lost but it's going in the right direction so yay :) To pass the time I've been introducing my little chunk to Disney films (it's never too early to start inflicting your own interests and hobbies onto your children!) So far her favourites are Moana, Fantasia and Aladdin. When I say favourites, I mean films that she actually pays attention to for a few minutes at a time. I am aware that she isn't really capable of film preferences at eight weeks old. I am also very glad she isn't old enough to tell me to stop singing along to A Whole New World and such Disney bangers.

I'm at the stage in parenting where every single thing that my child does is fascinating and/or hilarious. For example, during a feed she did a burp except her mouth was full of drool so it produced a massive spit bubble. And the spit bubble remained there for ages because she was just sat there accepting the spit bubble in her mouth and I couldn't do owt for laughing. (how many times do I need to say spit bubble?) (three) And then there's the time when she simultaneously coughed and farted at the same. I also love how sneezes are a full body experience for babies. Just after I filmed her sneeze I had the BIGGEST urge to send it to my friends and family.  But I resisted because I don't want to be a baby bore.  So I'm inflicting it on whoever is reading this blog.  Which is probably just my mum, hello mum :)

I lost my safety blanket this week, Dale went back to work. He's been an absolute rock for the past six weeks. So obviously this is when my post natal depression really cranked up a gear. Total panic set in. I felt sick with anxiety. Every minute felt like hours. I was exhausted yet I couldn't sleep as my mind was racing. I felt lost and hopeless. I seemed to be doing everything wrong and I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't want to leave the house because I didn't want people watching me, judging me for being a shit mum. Luckily my GP is on it and super attentive (she already sorted my counselling) and prescribed me with anti-depressants. Unluckily, the side effects are making me feel worse - even tireder, headaches, groggy. They should wear off in a week or two, then the tablets will start to do their job a week or two after that. Then hopefully the thoughts and feelings above will be under control and eventually go away. I've titled this post Rock Botto...

2017 was a year of extreme happiness and sadness. I lost a sister but gained an angel. I lost my sanity but gained a daughter. There's such a fine line between crying and laughter, comedy and tragedy (TRAGEDY! When the feelings gone and you can't go on its TRAGEDY! ...any excuse to sings Steps and/or Bee Gees) I expect 2018 will also be filled with happy and sad but I'm hoping it'll be a bit steadier and I'm more equipped to handle it.  So let's see what 2018 brings. It started out with this little party animal sleeping in her grandparents bed after a heavy session on the milk on New Year's Eve.