Bethany's Baby Babblings

For anyone not fluent in broad Yorkshire, 'owayer doing = how are you doing?  And you get asked this a lot after just having a baby. And here is what I say versus what I mean... "I'm so tired!" aka I am so sleep deprived I somehow managed to put my child's sleep suit on sideways. "Good considering!" aka good considering I am emotionally and mentally fragile. "Alreet thanks!" aka alreet currently but that's because she's fed, winded, changed and asleep. ask me again in a bit when I'm crying because I have no idea what I'm doing. "Shit" aka shit. Disclaimer: I am honest with my family and close friends when they ask me how I am. And despite my candidness above, I do love my child more than anything. 

I am a sleeper. Sleeping is what I do best. Sleep and keeping a baby alive DO NOT MIX. Obviously I already knew this but it's a harsh reality to face. Therefore I am struggling with the night feeds. Me and D do it in turns currently (thank the lord for his 6 week paternity!) but I'm still a zombie. Although when she falls asleep on me mid-wind it takes the edge off being a sleep deprived eye-bagged crazy lady.

I'm constantly finding myself talking in baby talk even when I am nowhere near my baby. I am also constantly talking to myself ever since she was born. But I think that's because my brain is so mushy that if I don't do that then I forget what I'm doing, who I am and my purpose in life. Also I'm getting "what if my child forgets who I am" paranoia... (the combination of baby blues, my sister passing away recently, history of depression and general anxiety/low confidence is to blame for that. Luckily the grandparents have been sleeping over to help out - thank god) ...where was I? Oh yeah, I'm terrified of my daughter forgetting who I am and/or not bonding properly therefore I am just calling myself mummy ALL THE TIME. Even in the 3rd person. Even when I'm the only person in the room. So in summary, I am already babbling in baby talk 24/7. And it's ok to admit your mental health is suffering and to get help! Even if it feels like you'...

giving up on eating a cheese string the proper way (ie peeling it apart) because you don't want to disturb your child during a cuddle. however i will endeavour to master the art of one handed cheese string peeling, but until then i will commit the sin of just chomping into it. i cannot believe i've done a post about sodding cheese. actually, scrap that, i can.

First of all, I am so bloody jealous of women who loved labour. I won't go into the gory details of mine but I will stay that I am fricking traumatised. But it's worth it for this amazing little jellybean ❤️ Completely and utterly in love. And Dale is such a wonderful dad. And he says I'm a wonderful mum. I'll be happy if we're more like the "okay-est" parents as long as we love her to pieces. Which we obv do because LOOK AT HER (disclaimer: we're bias and we know it) Random babblings: • the inventor of gas and air needs an award • why do I get so relieved when seeing a poo in her nappy? • leaky boobs are the devil • thank god for grandparents, me and dale would be sat in a pile of dirty clothes, starving and crazy from sleep deprivation without them

Here is a list of things that I am fairly certain aren't normal but I ponder upon anyway. So, is it normal to... ...not pack my overnight hospital bag until the week before the baby is due? ...hope that the baby arrives a day early so she is born on the same day as Mickey Mouse's birthday? ...have a whole big ass pot of custard to myself in the space of 5 minutes? ...make dinosaur noises whenever I attempt to stand up? ... actually feel my internal organs move about whenever the baby does? ...not have any desire to nest because you know, duvet burritos and then feel like the world's shittest mum yet still remain in the duvet burrito only to emerge to pee and gather snacks? ...not understand what half of your baby equipment actually does? (I mean, I've only just learnt how locks on doors work the other week. Before I used to wiggle the key and hope for the best)

I thought I had pissing in a plastic tube down to a fine art but lo and behold my bump is so big that I just had to shove my hand in the toilet bowl and hope for the best. Hope wasn't enough. It was carnage. But I suppose that I'll need to get used to being covered in piss and other liquids. Joy. On the bright side I got enough in the tube and there's no sign of pre-eclampsia so yay! However I did get a detailed description of a stretch and sweep from my midwife which has horrified me more than the whole giving birth thing. I then made things worse but doing my own research and watching this NHS video  thus ruining my usual coping techniques of denial and ignorance. So that's where my mind is at right now. It'll be reet. Besides I'm also currently dead proud of myself for using 'lo and behold' and 'thus' in this post so silver linings and what not.

Hahahahahahahaha, fuck off. No.