She's four weeks old today. Four weeks of motherhood and I have been unofficially diagnosed with post natal depression. I say unofficially because no-one has outright said it to me but my healthcare visitor and GP have referred me for perinatal psychological therapy. And I'm ticking most of the boxes of the symptoms.
I was half expecting to have post natal depression (let's use the abbreviation from now on, PND) anyway due to a history of depression and self-harming, and just being generally anxious day to day.
My sister passed away 7 weeks before my daughter arrived and I tried my hardest to stay strong mentally, emotionally, physically to protect my daughter. So once she was born it was obvious that my mind and body just broke down.
I realise this post isn't in keeping with my usual tone of self deprecating humour but I think that the more I talk about my PND the more I can take steps to get through it. Plus I don't want it to be this to be a 'big dirty secret'
I actually think receiving the therapy will be great for me, both short and long term. But I'm scared about revealing all the thoughts I've had when I've been at my lowest. I'm also scared about talking about things that are painful to revisit. I'm good at planning the things I want to say but I'm crap at actually saying them. Hence the blog post.
So yeah. This post was a brain dump. I'll post of photo to lighten the mood.
I was half expecting to have post natal depression (let's use the abbreviation from now on, PND) anyway due to a history of depression and self-harming, and just being generally anxious day to day.
My sister passed away 7 weeks before my daughter arrived and I tried my hardest to stay strong mentally, emotionally, physically to protect my daughter. So once she was born it was obvious that my mind and body just broke down.
I realise this post isn't in keeping with my usual tone of self deprecating humour but I think that the more I talk about my PND the more I can take steps to get through it. Plus I don't want it to be this to be a 'big dirty secret'
I actually think receiving the therapy will be great for me, both short and long term. But I'm scared about revealing all the thoughts I've had when I've been at my lowest. I'm also scared about talking about things that are painful to revisit. I'm good at planning the things I want to say but I'm crap at actually saying them. Hence the blog post.
So yeah. This post was a brain dump. I'll post of photo to lighten the mood.
Hey Beth. This is a really brave post and so glad you’re getting some help. It can be pretty bleak after you’ve had a baby - I had PND second time around (and first time too with hindsight but struggled on). Take care of yourself xxx
ReplyDeleteAwh thanks Amy! Sorry to hear that you had it too but it's great knowing that I'm not alone :) x
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